Emotional

Why is this my life.. Not physically but mentally and emotionally. I have no idea how to be in a relationship. I never get it right… I feel like i’m always in the wrong. I feel like everything I ask is unreasonable. I wish he could just understand what I am feeling.  Now i know I need to be done making excuses for him.

So, whenever someone would ask me something, i would sugar coat it on his end and like kind of try to make it seem reasonable.

Okay moving on. All i want is for him to take a little part of his day and like just talk to me. I wish he could call me, or FaceTime me.. even texting me maybe for like the last part of my day without 30min-1 hour response times. I want someone to be there for me, whenever i try to talk to him about it.. its like “calm down” “its fine” “baby stop” and of course i give in. I shouldn’t have to do that. I wish he would just understand.. I wish he could just actually love me. I know we all show it in different ways but shouldn’t we have to try? Try to pander to the others needs? Try to show them as much as possible that we love them?

What triggered me tonight is when i got a text saying “Cuz i don’t go out or do anything because if i did you would get mad” Alright!! HOLD UP!! I was mad about him not being able to text me for a little portion of his day even if it is just around bed time, and making the argument that he gets mad if i don’t text him back after 30 mins because i’m at work. He said he didn’t go out because i would get mad.. I took this text as a ” I sit at home watch tv and play video games and I really don’t care about you.”  Whenever i go out with friends i tell him who i’m with, where i’m going, and text him when i get home or what i’m doing for bed time. I only ask that he does the same it might be unreasonable and i know there is a possibility of lying but id like to think i would trust him. you know?

I understand space.. but i wish he would show me he cared about me. I wish he would just say “hey hows your day going” or just call me and say hey I love you and miss you. I don’t need him to text me 24/7 i don’t need him to pander to my every need but i just feel like he doesn’t give anything up for me.. I don’t know what i’m going to do but every time i just try to explain myself i’m always in the wrong and its emotionally degrading. I’m wearing down and honestly i’m pretty sure i cry at least once a week over something within the relationship.

Its soooo hard for me to break up with him.. there is just so much there and it is always so great when we are together.

Help me… advice is SO VERY welcome

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